The Condemned

By Nattalie Crawford

Action movie cliche #75 - Fight to the death. Well here’s an entire movie based around this one cliche. The tag line for this film is ‘10 will fight 9 will die.’

10 inmates from all over the world who are all condemned to death are given the chance for freedom by being placed on a secluded island with the instructions of “Fight or be Killed.” All of this action is being filmed and broadcast live over the internet.

The master mind behind this whole game has set up shop on this island and set up hundreds of cameras so as to not miss a moment of action.

It is completely obvious from the beginning of the film that Stone Cold Steve Austin will no doubt be the one surviver of this quest, who’d of thought, the main character lives, OMG!

So they get all these mass murderers and all around bad guys on this island and I’m expecting for them all to just start in on each other…NO they all start to pair off and form alliances…WTF…I don’t want to see them all getting along, I wanna see them kick the living S*** out of each other. Thats the main reason I am watching this film.

The first death we see on the island is where the “bad ass hottie” blows up the old German dude. Whoo flippin Hoo. Still, no gore. I want some hand on hand combat, I want hair pulled, eyes gouged out, bones broken…I want to see them fight, not go boom.

Next we see Steve Austin take out one of the condemned, once again, they tousle around a bit and then the big guy falls off a cliff and….you guessed it…goes BOOM.

The first time you see someone get the hell beat out of them is a good hour into the film, and they are behind a tree 90% of the time, and then guess what happens…go on guess….BOOM. Enough with the booms already.

The Chinese dude does has a nice death of a knife through the gut. Before he dies there is a bloody brilliant fight between him, Vinnie Jones, and Steve Austin…and no booms…Until Steve gets ahold of bad ass hottie. Then…Boom.

When all is said and done it is down to Vinnie and Steve. They have a 20 minute battle of cat and mouse, running and hiding. Then the classic, “Oh no, the hero died” moment…10 minutes later…”Holy S*** he’s still alive and going to save the day”.

More then a few bullets fly around “base camp” more then a few people die, and then the film ends with one more gigantic BOOM and a helicopter crashing into the side of a cliff…The End

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