By Chad Jarrah
‘Baby Genius: Underwater Adventures, I am gonna tear you apart!’ That was my thought as I opened the case to this educational DVD for infants. I’ve always been opposed to the fictional characters of children’s television with their strange subliminal agendas. In any other context of life when you see purple dinosaurs and creepy grown men wearing bright colors, singing and dancing with toddlers, you think of bad acid trips and child molesters. The only exception to this rule is in children’s programming. That’s why as I turned to the back of the DVD case and looked upon the likes of Vinko the Dancing Bear and Oboe the Monkey, I saw my chance to take aim at one of these culprits: The evil dynasty of Baby Genius.
The result: Mission totally unaccomplished. I had my notepad in front of me and my pen poised, ready to scribble down insults, but not more than three minutes had passed before my attitude changed. I was mesmerized. The classical music paired with the video of sea life put me at ease, making me forget my war with the annoying characters. The video footage displayed everything from manatees to manta rays, schools of fish to sea horses, all with the soothing sounds of Mozart and Beethoven playing in the background. I was fast becoming a fan despite the fact that all others around me, my father who had fallen asleep within minutes and my two year old nephew who had opted to play with an empty box, had given up on the video.
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Although I enjoyed the collage of musical and visual effects, I was still not totally captivated. This was thanks to the constant disruptions provided by a barrage of cheap and irritating cartoons passing the screen. Every time I would get lulled into a sense of peace, a stupid red octopus would float by making obnoxious noises. Whenever I would smile tranquilly at a pair of frolicking dolphins, some jackass of a cartoon sea horse would just hang out in the middle of the screen with no thoughts of courtesy to speed him along. These cartooned sea jerks left no scene untouched before they strolled by without a care in the world.
Despite my irritation with the awkwardly placed animation, the video experience was generally a good one. The music was soothing and the pictures were serene. No multicolored Teletubbies sending subliminal messages to our nation’s youth to become Republican, and no psychotic monster puppets from Yo Gabba Gabba! tricking kids to eat their vegetables. Just nice music and calming nature scenes. I hope you enjoyed my review, now I must go shave my head and donate all my worldly possessions to Oboe the Merciful.
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