License to Wed Review

By Richard Mims

Did you know that License to Wed is an anagram for “this movie wet the bed”, OK maybe not but it should be. The main characters in this cinematic epic drama of two star-crossed young lovers, desperate to marry, (I’m not sure why, she’s not knocked up) and seemingly foiled by Reverend Frank and his el-lamo Marriage Preparation H Course (I’m sorry, delete the H), are Ben (played by John Krasinski) and Sadie (Mandy Moore).

Exactly why these two want to get married is covered in 2 minutes worth of Vignettes at the start of the movie and were missed by this reviewer due to popcorn and bathroom obligations.

Of course Robin Williams, noted Jewish comedian, impressionist, and vamp comic plays the Reverend. Not having any personal experience may have caused him to act like a southern Baptist minister in some scenes and a Catholic priest in others. My guess is that the irresistible urge to vamp could not be totally controlled and he just said it when he thought it. Kinda like a pastor with mild terets. This allowed the lamest line of the movie to issue forth from his lips, “Let’s get the flock outa here.” I’m not kidding, he said it, I heard it.

Naturally our young lovebirds fail miserably at most tests given, to the glee of her family, Reverend Frank and his assistant, the choir boy, a cherubic minister in training. This young actor steals the movie in part due to his acting skills and more because the plot and comedy will appeal to his age group. I think they didn’t include any fart jokes though.

Scene 4: Father Frank is teaching a class on the Ten Commandments.
Williams asks leading questions, kids answer, hip versions of the Ten appear on a big board and hilarity ensues. (At least I’m sure that’s how the writers saw it.) The Rev leads one student with clues to thou shalt not kill by saying “Come on Larry, you’re killing me here” and “I know you think this class is murder, but give it a try.” Larry, looking at camera like it’s a Hershey Bar replies, “I know, don’t kill.” Reverend Frank smiles, motions to the board and the commandment flips over reading, “Don’t be Killing, just keep Chillin.” Hot damn, updated sacred tablet Humor right before your eyes.

Of course no plot challenged movie would be complete, or is that replete, I’m not sure it could be repeat. Any way there is a Happy Ending.
No, not in the good way like when you go to a massage parlor, but the Oh Crap way when the obvious exposes itself.

One thing I can say truly about this movie. It is like no other in the Blue Baby Poop category. Yep, the couple is given little pooping, screaming, squishy face making robot babies to care for as part of their punishment, I mean as part of their training. Nothing says loving like poopers from the oven. The outtakes at the end of the movie (did I mention this pic is blessedly short) shows a prodigious blue pooper out of control, it looks as though the babies had electric cake decorators for their little, you know, buttocal openings. The actors thought it Hilarious.

Not to worry, through serendipity, Father Frank’s machinations and pre-strike Hollywood writing they all end up on a beautiful tropical Island and the kids get married, having finally passed the test and come to know their love will withstand the trials and tribulations of Wedded Bliss.

Still, lame though it may be, you might find yourself shedding a tear when Ben and Sadie make up. Then again you just might groan.

There are some highlights worth revisiting; the church choir singing you’re late is great. Mechanical babies with blue poop, pretty funny.
And Robin Williams as just about anybody, always a laugh or two in there. Last, the Choir Boy steals many a scene and in the end may be the savior (no pun intended) of this flick. Check him out on the interactive features on the DVD. His question and answer radio show “The Choir Boy” is funny.

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