By Mitchell Dean

Rated: R
Running Time: 95 minutes
Directed by: George A. Romero
Written by: George A. Romero
Cast: Michelle Morgan, Joshua Close, Shawn Roberts
Opens: February 15, 2008

Rating: The Beat Down (Horrible)

Poor George A. Romero; he is holding on to a career that has left him a very long time ago. Diary of the Dead comes off feeling like an old musician, who can barely speak and barely move their hand to play the guitar, performing a curtain call.

continue reading "Diary of the Dead (2008) Review"

By Corisa Moreno

Have you ever watched Little Shop of Horrors and thought, I love this movie, I must find out more about it, and then you do some research on the internet and discover that the musical was based on a 1960’s Roger Corman low-budget movie called The Little Shop of Horrors and then you look up Roger Corman and realize …

continue reading "The Terror (1963) Review"

By Carlos Ascencio

Next is an action movie with a twist. Cris Johnson (Cage) can see two minutes in to the future and uses his powers to protect his new girlfriend Liz (Biel) and evade FBI agent Callie (Moore) from capturing him in order to stop a nuke from going off on American soil.

First of all, Cris has a bad haircut, it’s ugly as hell. Second, Cris, for some odd reason, can see more than two minutes in to the future when he’s with Liz which makes no sense at all because when Liz is kidnapped by terrorists Cris still sees more than two minutes ahead. Third, at one point the FBI tells Liz that Cris is a psychopath and a liar but she doesn’t believe them and tells Cris of their plan and he escapes. I don’t know about you, but if the FBI told me that the dude I just picked up and barely know is a psychopath I’d damn well believe them.

continue reading "Next (2007) Review"

By Andrea Baylis

It was one of those nights when had I read the entire internet. Twice. I was bored with the movies I own. I was bored with all my glorious cable television channels. And I was sure there wasn’t a damn thing on. That’s when I discovered Attack of the Mushroom People for free online. Free. It seemed to be the last page of the internet I had not found.

continue reading "Attack of the Mushroom People, aka Matango (Japan, 1963) Review"

By Andrea Baylis

Zigga zig huh. That’s what they said. Posh, Baby, Scary, Ginger and Sporty: those spunky English girls called Spice and their big f***ing shoes. All sparkly and spandexed and with aerosol galore, as of this writing the Spice Girls are no more. And although the zigga zig huhs made no sense, we listened. We listened a lot. Damn those catchy songs.

continue reading "Spice World (1997) Review"

By Lee Arcuri

I’ve performed a series of complex calculations and have determined that Nicolas Cage can only make one good movie per decade. The 80s gave us Raising Arizona and a bunch of other dreck. The 90s gave us an Oscar winning performance in Leaving Los Vegas and then an amazing amount of filmic retardation. Unfortunately for this decade, we’ve already had 2002’s Adaptation, so there’s nowhere to go but down. This statement seems to apply to his hairstyles as well.

continue reading "Next Review"

By Alex Del Negro

“Ghost Rider” serves as a perfect example of why we should not fear the devil. I, of course, already do not fear the devil, but then again I might be alone in this regard considering that not everyone has benefited from an early childhood exorcism program offered out of their local Y.M.C.A. Regardless, if there is one thing to be learned from both my kindergarten correspondence course and this film, it is this:

The devil is a terrible businessman.

continue reading "Ghost Rider Review"

By Lee Arcuri

I can think of a great many positive things about this movie. For instance, there was a six-shooter packing Grandma Werewolf who was fun for a few minutes. My grandmother only knits. Let’s see, what else?

continue reading "Skinwalkers Review"

By Lee Arcuri

As I’m sure you’ve already guessed from the title, Blood & Chocolate is about a girl who can turn into a wolf.

Let me give you some insight into how the title of this movie was chosen.

Marketing Guy#1: So, we’re thinking a movie called “Blood” will really get the male demographic interested.
Marketing Guy#2: Wait, what about the chicks? Girls don’t like blood.
Marketing Guy#1: What do girls like? Flowers? Backrubs?
Marketing Guy#2: Hmmm… “Blood and Foot Massages.”
Marketing Guy#1: No wait, I got it. “Blood and Chocolate.”
Marketing Guy#2: Yeah!
(high five)

continue reading "Blood and Chocolate Review"

By Lee Arcuri

“From the producers of The Sixth Sense!” said the front cover of the DVD. I pick up the cover to read the back. “From the producers of The Sixth Sense!” says the back.

Don’t let things like this fool you. Always remember what can be said about Howard the Duck: “From the producer of Star Wars!”

continue reading "The Invisible Review"

By Alex Del Negro

“Dragon Wars” dares to ask a very important question which I believe we, as a modern industrial society, tend to take for granted these days, and that is; “In a fight between the United States Armed Forces and collapsible-magic-sword-wielding, Velociraptor-mounted Death Knights, who would win?”

continue reading "Dragon Wars Review (A.K.A. D-War)"

By Lee Arcuri

Hollywood has definitely had an effect on my video game preferences. I now seem to only enjoy video games that have no potential for a film adaptation. Games like Pong, or Minesweeper, or even my calculator application on my laptop. Honestly, when Air Hockey: The Movie comes out, you’ll be able to find me taking a nap. In my oven.

continue reading "Silent Hill Review"

By Navy Navarro

You can imagineer the meeting at Disney^TM on this one. As usual, the suits put on their Mickey Mouse^TM ears and sit around a big cauldron to stir up trouble. Also as usual, they start by looking at what they already own and can squeeze more money© out of. So they look again at the Disneyland^TM rides: Pirates^TM, Haunted House^TM, Mr. Toad^TM, etc., and somebody eventually says, “What about Cinderella^TM©? We haven’t trotted her out in awhile.” “And New York^TM–we own New York City^TM now, don’t forget.” So they come up with a story putting Cinderella^TM© in Times Square^TM.

continue reading "Enchanted Review"

By Kimberly Sabat

I don’t get what all the religious leaders are all worked up about with this movie. The same thing happened when HARRY POTTER came out. I guess getting kids to read nowadays isn’t cool, since movies like this and CHRONICLES OF NARNIA have sparked not only an interest in the flicks, but the books as well. Knowledge be damned! Ban free thinking! Funny, that’s just what the plot of this movie is about. Rising against a tyrannical ruling force. Just like V FOR VENDETTA, or 1984. But lets not kid ourselves, who’d be afraid of a little girl with a compass, a ferret, and a drunken bear?Well, that is basically the synopsis here. Children, animals, people, all fighting for freedom from a government bent on universal domination. The prime building blocks of a true award winning movie. With way better battles than I’ve had on the toilet when I had too much Mexican food, and a cooler soundtrack than the noise it makes when the plumbing becomes backed up, THE GOLDEN COMPASS is sure to win the hearts of kids and adults everywhere.

continue reading "The Golden Compass Review"

By Mitchell Dean

Rated: R
Running Time: 100 min
Directed by: Francis Lawrence
Written by: Mark Protosevich, Akiva Goldsman, John and Joyce Corrington (1971 Screenplay), Richard Matheson (novel)
Cast: Will Smith, Alice Braga, Charlie Tahan, Dash Mihok
Opens: December 14, 2007

Mitch Slaps: 2 (based on how bad a film is, the higher the Mitch Slaps, the worse a film is; based on 1-3 Slaps)

There is nothing legendary here for Will Smith!

continue reading "I Am Legend Review"