By Kimberly Sabat

Since high school, I always remembered Beowulf as the bad ass who disposed of the monster Grendel in that epic poem which no one understood. If the teacher told us he was so hot, maybe I would have paid more attention. But instead, a decade after my graduation, they came up with this cartoon-computergraphic-superimposed-over-real-actors film, to capture the excitement of all. And that is exactly what it does, my excitement was sucked straight through the television, and I was left wondering where it all was.Just the effect in itself was a cool idea, though it was hard to look at since the character’s mouths sometimes moved, across blank, still faces. Don’t your facial muscles move when you talk? Botox move over, we have found the recipe for wrinkle-free living. Cease to show emotion in your face, and you will be young forever.

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By Yusuf Naqvi

A movie for the ages. A cinematic masterpiece. Other platitudes. A muscle-bound oaf and future governor. A camel getting punched in the face. There aren’t clipped phrases enough to quantify the merit of Conan the Barbarian, a movie I saw whilst inebriated and can only happily review under similar circumstances:

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By Kimberly Sabat

Did TRANSFORMERS transform your life after you watched it? Me neither. Though a few people raved about it to me, and swore I wouldn’t be disappointed if I saw it in the theater, I risked everlasting fulfillment in my life, and waited for it to come out on dvd instead. The risk saved me $9.

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By Kimberly Sabat

Admit it. Those obscure underground flicks are as dense as they are addictive. This is why BIG MAN ON CAMPUS is one of my favorites for stupidity. Unfortunately, many people don’t appreciate a stupid movie for its unforgettable one-liners. The plot bases itself on the Hunchback of Notre Dame theme, and goes from there. Bob, a misfit Neanderthal on a college campus, emerges from hiding within a clock tower one day. Let the idiocy begin. You follow this seemingly dimwitted cave dweller, as psychology professor Dr. Webster played by Tom Skerritt, and a couple of students try to reintroduce him to normal social behavior. Through this you gain an understanding of how he came to be who and where he is, and realize a strict diet of chocolate won’t just make your thighs and arse grow, but the hunch on your shoulder too! I’m glad I listened to mom.

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