By Andrea Baylis

It was one of those nights when had I read the entire internet. Twice. I was bored with the movies I own. I was bored with all my glorious cable television channels. And I was sure there wasn’t a damn thing on. That’s when I discovered Attack of the Mushroom People for free online. Free. It seemed to be the last page of the internet I had not found.

continue reading "Attack of the Mushroom People, aka Matango (Japan, 1963) Review"

By Matthew J Erickson

Blade bites, blood gushes.
Why say it when you can sing?
No more pie thank you.

Tim Burton’s latest project with muse, Johnny Depp, takes the idea of being a musical into another stratosphere. Hardly a phrase is uttered that is not sung.

continue reading "Movie Review Haiku for Sweeny Todd"

By Rob Rector

A great marketing tagline for “Jumper” could have been: Jumper: It’s “Highlander” for the myspace generation! Both feature leaps through space (and logic), centuries-old rivalries, and an acting vacuum for a lead (Christopher Lambert in ‘Highlander,’ Hayden Christensen in ‘Jumper’), and both are a laughable assault on the intellect (but ‘Jumper” lacks that groovin’ Queen soundtrack).
Jumper may also be notable for no other reason than Samuel L. Jackson managed to wear a more bizarre wig than his Gumby model he sported for “Unbreakable” a few years back.

continue reading "Jumper (2008) Review"

By Corisa Moreno

Ouch! Ouch! Please stop beating me over the head with your secondary plot of pseudo-moral judgment calls. You are going to fracture my skull. You see, fracture means to crack or break something, not to make a movie about a murderer and a prosecutor that we really don’t care about.

Plot overview: Anthony Hopkins’ character, Ted Crawford, shoots his unfaithful wife, gets arrested and then begins to act like a bumbling old fool in order to pull off his oh-so-clever scheme. The assistant district attorney, Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling) is a young hot shot who just landed a job at a big corporate firm. He gets Crawford’s case in his last week of work at the humble DA’s office. Should he stay at his low paying but righteous job or should he go make corporate bank? It is a hard, difficult and painfully soul-searching quest that Willy has embarked on. But ultimately, he needs to find that dang murder weapon.

continue reading "Fracture (2007) Review"

By KC Morgan

The Saw horror movie franchise is the filmmaking equivalent of reality TV’s Survivor: the first time you watched, it was totally fresh and interesting and unlike anything else you’d ever seen before. As new installments started to appear, however, it all started to seem somehow horribly repetitive despite “twists” designed to give it that fresh feeling. Don’t get me wrong - I love a great, gory horror flick as much as the next person. But mutilation can only take moviegoers so far.

For me at this point, the Saw movies are kind of like the last chip in the bag. You polish off a snack and feel quite satisfied - until you notice there’s just one more chip. So you shrug your shoulders and swallow it down - but another last-chip-in-the-bag appears. It’s no longer that I have some great desire to watch the latest Saw movie, but I’ve already had all those other chips. So, sure, I watched the fourth installment to the series because I’m a horror movie watcher who can’t stand to let a sequel go by. But honestly, the whole experience drained ninety-five minutes out of my life and could potentially do the same to yours.

continue reading "Saw IV Review"

By Paul Bennett, A.K.A. Cralion

Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo 2008 wasn’t disappointing! It was as entertaining as the three that preceded it, and just as full of murder and mayhem. It isn’t recommended for children under age 13, or for the squeamish if blood, guts and gore aren’t your fare. However, for the teenagers of the 70’s, and to the geriatric set watching an aged Rambo hot-foot-it through the jungle gave much needed life to some of their pacemaker driven hearts. I dare say he rivaled the speed of Superman and the Flashes as he raced to outrun a bomb blast…that he caused!

continue reading "Rambo (2008) Review"

By Alex Del Negro

I needn’t tell you that this is a bad movie. The title alone should be enough to convince one of this fact. If not, though, I’m certain the massive ad campaign waged when this film was first released against the hearts and minds of the discerning American movie-goer has already proved to be more than persuasive. Therefore, unless you’ve been living under a rock, in a cave, on Mars, with your eyes shut and hands over your ears alongside Nigel, Sideshow Bob’s brother from an obscure little television show entitled “The Simpsons,” chances are you’ve already decided for yourself just how terrible a film “Snakes on a Plane” really is. The question then becomes:

Is “Snakes on a Plane” a movie that ascribes to that old “so bad, it’s good” function of the inverse relation of quality to entertainment value in a universally recognized terrible film? Or is it just simply terrible?

continue reading "Snakes on a Plane: It’s Just Simply Terrible"

By Jake Dee

Director: Eli Roth
Starring: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd
Released: 2002

Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever focuses on a group of college kids who retreat to a secluded woodland as a way to blow off pre-graduation steam. We’ve got the tough posing pretty boy named Jeff (Joey Kerns), the crude smack talking Burt (James DeBello), and the ultra hairy but emasculated sissy boy Paul (Rider Strong). The women, offering little range outside their hair color, are the blonde Karen (Jordan Ladd, who has become a horror regular) and the brunette Marcy (the beautiful Cerina Vincent). The quintet hops in a pick up and peels down the road, we instantly get the feel of a campy teen ’80s slasher flick. All the caricatures are represented! Only this isn’t your typical slasher, but more about the contagion of a deadly flesh eating virus.

continue reading "Cabin Fever Review"

By Jake Dee

Director: Neil LaBute

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn

Released: 2006

Nic Cage is one of the few bankable stars left in Hollywood. Demanding a whopping $20 million per picture (sometimes in excess of), his films can still generate quite a box office stir. He fills seats as they say, and as reward for it, studios spit piles of money at him. Not every film of his hits, mind you, but by and large he does pretty well. I can’t figure it out really, the guy has played about three variations of the same role for the last decade plus. Slight variations at that! Ever since he panned Oscar gold in 1996 for his work as a suicidal drunk in Leaving Las Vegas, we’ve seen him play tepid roles in flicks like Face/Off, Con Air, City of Angels, 8MM, Snake Eyes, etc. etc. Then, by the turn of the century, Cage made an interesting departure in off beat films like Adaptation, Matchstick Men, even the Weather Man, to a degree. But alas, the real Nic Cage stood up in 2006, first with Ghost Rider and never more apparent than in Neil LaBute’s remake of The Wicker Man.

continue reading "The Wicker Man (2006) Review"

By Jim McFadden

For everyone who thought a thriller based on the pagan rituals practiced on remote Scottish islands would be interesting, The Wicker Man is an 88 minute rebuttal. Or, if you managed to get your hands on the “essential” UK Director’s cut, a 100 minute rebuttal. Either way, I think when the film’s over, you’ll be a believer.

Although this movie was remade starring Nicholas Cage, I decided to review the original because, well, it doesn’t star Nicholas Cage.

continue reading "The Wicker Man (1973) Review"

By Jake Dee

Director: Louis Morneau

Starring: Lou Diamond Phillips, Dina Meyer

Released: 1999

Many in the film industry believe 1999 was a renaissance year. An indelible shift had been marked in Hollywood by a slew of great films released during those twelve months. Movies became edgy again, challenging; doing so in a manner that shook the status quo, both personally and on the level of entertainment. Directors seemed to bear a distinct voice, impressively finding a way to translate it to the screen. That year we saw films like American Beauty, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club, Magnolia, Three Kings; the list is extensive. Bats, unfortunately, is NOT one of those films!

continue reading "Bats Review"

By Lee Arcuri

Hostel: Part II has two penises in it. I just thought I’d start with that.

I’m pretty sure the first Hostel was for boys. About 75% of that movie is just a couple of dudes drinking and scoring with hot chicks, all of the nudity is of girls, etc.

So Part II was made for the girls. The main characters are girls, a girl gets to be the hero, etc. Also, there are two penises. Two. One right near the beginning, and one right at the end. They’re like bookends. All this for you, ladies.

continue reading "Hostel II Review"

By KC Morgan

The Invasion, released in 2007 and available on DVD as of January 29, 2008, is a remake of the 1956 science fiction thriller Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And though it’s a movie based on a weird alien “epidemic” which sweeps the world, that’s not even the most unbelievable aspect of the film. No, not with Nicole Kidman in the lead and 007 actor Daniel Craig running interference.

continue reading "The Invasion (2007) Review"

By Margaret Andrews

This movie is like It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, only with more neo-Nazis and half the star power. A cast of crazy characters vie for the same destination in a race against time and each other, and for what? Money, of course.

continue reading "Smokin’ Aces Review"

By Nattalie Crawford

Action movie cliche #75 - Fight to the death. Well here’s an entire movie based around this one cliche. The tag line for this film is ‘10 will fight 9 will die.’

10 inmates from all over the world who are all condemned to death are given the chance for freedom by being placed on a secluded island with the instructions of “Fight or be Killed.” All of this action is being filmed and broadcast live over the internet.

continue reading "The Condemned"